"In the Conflict of Some, Others Were Paying the Price."

February 9, 2009. 7:40 PM

Oy vey. So much has gone on in the past few days. I really need to get one this writing thing, but I find myself saying that a lot on every trip I go on. It’s so hard to keep up. This is going to be very sporadic and stream of conscious-y, but I think it will work.

We watch a movie every week in Spanish class, and then have an oral exam on it the next day. Last weeks movie was one of the best, but most horrific movies I have ever seen. It is called Voces Inocentes, and it is the story of the civil war that lasted twelve years in El Salvador. It is told through the eyes of an eleven year old boy who held a lot of responsibility and had a lot of love within him. Watching the movie, and realizing that it was a reality to so many people, is a scary thing to see. I find this over and over again here. Hearing from real people about events that seem unimaginable, but they’ve experienced them. It is real. The boy in the movie watches as people die around him, as he fights for his family, his love, and his life. The movie also points out that, just like here in Guatemala, the United States gave money, weapons, and training to the El Salvadoran army who was committing awful acts of murder and using tactics of forced recruitment to boys of age twelve. Most people in America don’t know that the U.S. involves itself in such things as it claims to fight for freedom and democracy. We don’t know because we don’t need to know. We are privileged, and what America does around the world doesn’t really affect us very much at all. We stand proud in America, and then wonder why others look down upon us. It’s strange to think that while all this was going on no that long ago, no one knew that it was occurring. It makes me wonder what is going on now that we don’t know about at all. I don’t know. I just don’t think this world makes a lot of sense. But then, have I ever thought that it has?

So the day after the movie, during my oral exam, Rosario, one of the three teachers there for the exam decided to lighten the mood, so instead of discussing the movie as thoroughly as we could have, we switched the topic to jokes in Spanish. They started as innocently as what does one tomato say to the other? Ketchup! Or Is a pig or a wolf more clean? A pig because when you ask it when it showered last it says “Hoy, Hoy, Hoy! (Today, Today, Today!)” but then Milton pulled out the dirty jokes, which were quite amusing as well. And I was excited to be able to understand all the jokes in Spanish! Then the professors explained how much they enjoy a good life. Life here can be rough and upsetting sometimes, they said, but the joy of laughter is one that everyone should remember that they hold inside of them. I think it’s a good lesson to hold onto. Remember to laugh.

I learned even more about my teacher. She was really upset after watching the movie because she has a son that is 11 years old, who, like the boy in the movie, is the man of the house. It was upsetting to see her remember when she heard the gun shots in the early ‘80s, when the reality I watched on the television screen could have been hers or any of the other many local people I’ve met on this trip. Also, she is one of 18 children. Yes, 18. She grew up in a farm and rode the horses from her house to the fields every morning at 3 am with her father. She didn’t enjoy waking up, but she did enjoy the time spent with her father and the work they did in the fields. She did this until 1980-82, when they had to leave the mountains because the brutality of the war was becoming too much, and they heard the army every night. Also, her father went to the hospital last Monday. She couldn’t go with him because she had to work to keep supporting her four children. It turns out he has blocked arteries in his heart, but they cannot afford surgery. He is taking a pill for Q300 each (about $40), which they can’t really afford either. I just feel awful hearing something like that. It makes me just want to give them the money, but at the same time, free gifts are not the way to sustainable living. But if they are the way to living then isn’t it worth it? I pray that he makes a fast recovery with these pills. I know Ailsa doesn’t need more bad news in her life.

I have noticed one thing about this country. Aside from the humor to keep things lighter, this place is more colorful than any other place I’ve seen in my travels. The cemeteries are all beautiful, which is an interesting twist and change from our dreary American ones. Shops and homes and brightly colored. It’s true that colors affect moods, and sometimes when I just take in all the colors, I just can’t help but smile, and breathe deeply.

This past weekend was our free weekend in Guatemala. To see everything I wanted to see I’d need a free two months, so this wasn’t exactly perfect. We went to Lake Atitlan to the city of Panajachel. To get there (and back) we took chicken buses, which were probably one of the scariest experiences of my life. Swerving up and down winding mountain roads in an extremely overcrowded bus is not my idea of fun. When I say overcrowded, I mean 4 people in a seat that holds 2, throughout the entire bus. They get so full that the man collecting money rides holding onto the back of the bus and climbs on top of it to reach the front door while we are still moving. It’s some scary stuff. On the way back we took a microbus for part of it that was meant to hold probably 12 people. We had 33 people inside of it at one point. Oy. Anyway, it was very touristy in that city, but the lake was absolutely gorgeous. It is surrounded by mountains and volcanoes. When Joe described it to us before we went he said that, “It completely took him,” and I can see why/how that would be so. I took a boat with Jeremy, Chelsea, and Alana to another village on the lake called San Marcos. It was much less touristy and kind of an escape from civilization, which was really nice and relaxing. You can rent a furnished room there for 800Q a month (about $100). I would love to do that one day.

I have really gotten annoyed with my group on several occasions. These are not the type of people I would have expected to be drawn to a trip of this nature. I feel like a lot of times, people forget that we’re not in America. On this kind of trip, you can’t forget that. You can’t loose perspective, and you can’t forget that you’re looking at everything from a different perspective than the people who live here. We are living completely different lives, yet we can connect, and we can befriend. As long as you’re not rude. Some people in my group have yelled at people as they approach to sell things, or have gotten annoyed with people taking to long to serve food. I think it’s all part of the experience. It’s all part of the story, and it’s what we are here to take in. We should be here to appreciate it, not devalue it.

I’ve been thinking a lot. About life, and about what I want. I realized that as a child I wanted to be an artist, and I always wanted to own my own store. It’s interesting that those childhood dreams are actually what I’ve decided that I really want. My ideal, dream job would be owning a café where I would have a workshop and sell my art and jewelry. It would also be a used book store, and I’d have games and a movie viewing room. It would be kosher, and closed on Shabbat. There would be a corner for children, so when I have kids, I continue to work and still watch them. I would have local artists/musicians, workshops, and activities throughout the week. I think it’s perfect.

I met a man at the lake who does the most incredible jewelry, which I would have bought all of if I had more that $7 total with me. He uses a scroll saw type thing to carve out and remove parts of coins and then leaves beautiful designs, etc. in them. It’s a brilliant idea, and one I want to try ASAP. I did buy a charm he made from a 100 Yen coin. It’s the same type of coin I have taped into my wallet…one with flowers. It’s really beautiful.

Oh, so in Spanish class, I learned the story of the Quetzal, the bird that is such a huge symbol here in Guate. It’s a symbol of freedom, because the bird can’t survive when confined to small areas. The story goes as follows: There was a boy who lived in a small village in the mountains. When he was born, he was giving the hummingbird as a symbol of good luck. All of the people in the village liked him a lot. On his birthday, he was to become a man. An elder came out from under a tree and made a prophecy that Quetzal would live forever, from generation to generation. Everyone was so happy, except for the chief’s son, who was the same age as Quetzal. Soon after the birthday, the chief died and the elders voted Quetzal to be the new chief. The chief’s son had feared this, and had to do something about it. He decided Quetzal must have some kind of protecting charm that protects him from all harm. That night he went to his bedroom and checked around his neck for a charm, but found nothing. As he was leaving he saw a hummingbird flower at the top of his bed. He knew instantly that it was what he was looking for, and took it. The next day, Quetzal was walking through the forest when a hummingbird landed upon his shoulder and warned him of danger from a man seeking his death. Quetzal questioned him, but got no response. Seconds later, an arrow came whizzing through the air and hit Quetzal in the chest. He fell to the ground and closed his eyes expecting to die. Instead his body began to turn into a beautiful bird. His feathers were the color of the grass around him, and his chest feathers were red from the blood that was there. His tail was painted with beautiful colors by the afternoon sun. And in this way, Quetzal has lived on among the people, and in this way, he will always live.

The name Chichicastenango (the city I went to last last weekend) is for the flower Chichicaste. It’s a flower that grows out of the rocks in the mountain sides. It has a beautiful purple flower, which is very, very poisonous. It is also a very durable plant that is impossible to get rid of.

I have been feeling sick the past couple of days, but knock on wood, I am feeling much better today. For the first time in my life I felt what it was like to not have an appetite. It was kind of nice not having to eat/spend money to eat, but I suppose that’s not healthy either.

I have really been selective in the photos I take here. When I went to Nicaragua and Lesotho previously, I took a lot of pictures of the people, and especially the children, without even knowing all of them very well. I realized how weird that is, and how creeped out I would be if some stranger ran up to my children and took pictures of them (that’s also bad here because of children being kidnapped to be sold for adoption purposes). I just feel, too, like it really is a type of exploitation. These are their lives, and it’s not my place to ooh and ahh at their fortunes/misfortunes.

Today I heard an amazing lecture from a civilian man about his experiences during the time of the violence here in Guate. It was interesting that he was more passionate than both the ex-Guerilla or the man in the army. I am getting a bit tired, so I am just going to jot down some quotes of his, and I’ll talk more about it later.

“in the conflict of some, others were paying the price”
“couldn’t imagine taking up arms, pointing a gun at someone and saying ‘You die because you are the enemy of someone.’”
“A society that has experienced conflict is not a society that is emotionally free.”
“I cannot easily applaud the heroes of war, or just point my finger and say they were the bad in war. Even less, I can’t forget the civilians during the time of war”
“Can’t imagine thinking that because we think differently, and because I think better than you, I have the right to kill you.”
“Life and Freedom are the two most essential human rights. Politics and religion should come after.”
When tempted to take a side in a conflict, take time to consider distinct implications that come out of conflict. It is not black and white, there are many tones, implications, things that come up from below. Don’t romanticize ideologically, because it makes us loose perspective.
“It’s easy to be on the left when you haven’t paid any personal price.”

It really made me think. And I’m still processing at all.
Alright, I’m going to go. Only 4 more days left in Xela, and all of those days are jam-packed with things to do. Hopefully I’ll write again before the week is through.

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