January 26th, 2009.

So, Xela. It’s been good to me so far, and I’ve been learning a lot, both in the context of our group dynamic and of Guatemala. We had several days where we stayed in a hotel, continuing our orientation. We did an educational biography, which forced me to examine the moments in my life which really taught me lessons and helped form my values I have today, which was very interesting.

Okay, so this is now two days later. I am having a lot of trouble keeping up to date on this journaling thing, as I have only written about a page, and I’ve been here nearly two weeks. I guess I’m not going to do a play by play in here…more just a how I’m feeling, and I’ll jot down the important events too.

First, “We are too few to be distant. Everything unites us, Nothing separates us.” I like this quote a lot. It reminds me of Kao Fela Rea Tsoana, which is We Are All The Same, in Sesotho. The quote is from The Motorcycle Diaries, which I just watched in ESPANOL!

I have been in class now for three days studying Spanish. I’m not usually one to become proud of myself, but I have been smiling nonstop, and I think it’s because of my success so far with the language. By no means am I understanding everything of course, but it is still going very well, and I can communicate what I need to communicate. I really love my teacher. She is very set on us being friends, not just student and teacher, which is great since I have to see her five hours a day, five days a week. I love that the classes are one on one, and we have some freedom in the speed and depth of our studies. We can also go off on tangents talking about life, love, hate, fear, etc. in Guatemala, which is probably more of a lesson to me than anything I have encountered in a while.

I also love my host mama. I was a bit disappointed at first because my family consists of only my mama. I really wanted kids, and I’m honestly still a little jealous of my friends here that have children in their host families, but I am also surprised at how my jealousy is not taking me over and sort of ruining my time. I guess, honestly, I do tend to be a jealous person, and I am glad that I seem to be working on that, and having a great time anyway. Also, my home is the lowest class home I’ve seen so far. It’s pretty run down, and consists of my bedroom, my mama’s bedroom, a kitchen, and a bathroom (which all have doors only leading to an outdoor courtyard). My mama also runs a little convenience store, and she gives me gum every day. She is an amazing cook (I had a wonderful bean and egg dish today! Mmmm.), and has the most contagious and joyous laugh I have ever heard.

I met her son, who is older, the other day. For some reason, I was able to understand and speak with him very easily. We connected very well, and I felt so blessed to be able to have such a human connection. I went with him to the cemetery to visit and buy flowers for his papa (my mama’s late husband). We strolled through the cemetery and took some photos, but I really enjoyed every minute of it. He’s an artist, and I can’t wait to see some of his paintings.

Another exciting thing I’ve been doing here is learning to weave. I mean, I guess I’ve only gone once for real, and I haven’t actually started weaving, but I’m still very excited about it. I’ve been going by myself, which I was scared to do at first, but since none of my friends wanted to do it, and I was passionate about it, I decided it was important to try. I really love doing things in my travels that challenge myself...who I am, what I believe, as well as what I think I am able to do. Anyway, I really love attempting to speak with the women at the cooperative (who are indigenous widows who lost their husbands during the times of violence and terror here), and I’ve been using muscles in my hands making my spools of thread that I really didn’t even know I had.

Hmmm. I guess I’ve been really conflicted. Like, I just watched the Motorcycle Diaries, which is about Che, the guerilla, the revolutionary. In my terrorism class in Israel, we discussed and watched movies which portrayed Che as a revolutionary, yes, but also a man who killed without problem. He also failed in every revolution he tried to begin. Yet he is an icon here (and around the world). He’s a hero. But I don’t know if I agree with his ideals. Then again, I heard a lecture from a man that has been in the Guatemalan army for 26 years today. The army here…has done some atrocious things. The only question I wanted to ask this man was how many people have you killed in your lifetime…during the scorched earth policy? But then I challeneged myself and asked, why do I feel the need to know that? It’s not going to change the fact it happen. It’s not going to make me or anyone feel better about it. And it’s only going to make me look down upon this man who is willing to share his stories and experiences with us. I don’t have the right to do that. I don’t think I have the right to say what’s right. What side would I have been on in this conflict? Who knows. Anyway, I don’t really know, but I think my point was that…I have been viewing Che so negatively, yet here he is viewed by most (not the army) so positively…and what can you expect when guerillas were perhaps the symbols of change and of strength to these people who had nothing. Who were being slaughtered so that they had even less. Oy va voy.

Another topic really quickly before I’m off to do homework.
I am very happy here (Knock on wood). It’s so so different from my time in Israel, and although I really do miss Israel (and Hebrew! Ah! I hope I don’t forget it), I think this change is really good for me. I was becoming very tense, and very hopeless in Israel I think. Not that this place isn’t hopeless at times. But there is an overall sense of joy around me. People are so kind, and people always seem to be smiling and laughing. I feel more free here. I don’t really know why. I feel ambitious here. I feel motivated here. I crave knowledge and learning here. I feel like me here.

And I like it.

אל תשכח את התקוה

Don't Forget the Hope.